Have you ever heard turkeys making love? Well yesterday I thought I did.
It all started with an innocent trip to kensington metro park with my trusty swinging partner C.K. We went to our sooper dooper secret swinging spot in the middle of the woods where we knew no one would disturb us. First we decided we would go chill in our even more secret flippin fantastical hiddin over grown baseball field and dream about what we would be when we grow up. Before we even made it there we ran across a pack of wild turkeys who looked slightly horny and annoyed that we had walked in on their party, but they were blocking our path and we had to get to our destination. They reluctantly moved to the side and let us pass. That's when I busted out this little tid bit of info I had picked up that turkeys actually sleep in trees. Everybody thinks they can't fly but they totally can! Just not really far...but far enough to sleep in trees. C.K. was skeptical of my source as always and I assured her it was true. If you don't believe me either, check this shizz out:
So while we were there we heard odd noises from the woods that sounded like loud clapping noises. We searched high and low for a source and found nothing! I finally came to the conclusion that it must be those sex hungry turkeys we saw earlier doing the dirty and getting WAY too into it. The only obvious logical answer.
As we were leaving the park to walk up to the car we heard another noise from the baseball field and looked over to see whole trees rustling, as if T-rex himself was about to bust through the opening and grab me up like that guy from JP while he was hiding in the bathroom. My next thought was "Oh man! I bet that was a turkey flying up into the tree to roost for the night. I gotta see this!" So C.K. and I bolted back to the field to see these birds in action. As I neared the field I realized this was no turkey roosting...A giant tree had fallen right in the middle of the field! Right where I had suggested we should sit and ponder earlier!?! WE WERE ALMOST CRUSHED ALIVE! Okay maybe not but it is crazy to think we could have been. So that whole time I thought I was hearing turkey sex, I was actually hearing this monstrosity of a tree cracking and popping ready to fall at any minute. We thanked the tree for blessing us with the invitation to it's funeral and headed home for some chocolate and apples to apples.
The End
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Friday, June 19, 2009
I need to stop eating taco bell...
I probably have taco bell at least once a day if you average it out. Somedays I have it twice so it makes up for the days I don't. Damn value menu! 89 cents is just so damn cheap for a burrito. And yet I still can't figure out why I have chronic heartburn at work everyday... :p
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
FUCKING DILLINGER ESCAPE PLAN!
Sorry dad, I know I said I would cut down on my swearing in my blog but this one deserves it. Last night was by far the greatest live show I have ever been to! Even before we got to the venue I had butterflies in my stomach and was even a little nervous. I had seen Dillinger before last night when they opened for Cavilary conspiracy or whateverthefuck their name is and I was to say the least dissapointed in the show in general. It just didn't live up to the reputation they have for being one of the best live bands in the world. Luckily last night made up for that ten fold!
I'll start this off with a quote from Mr. Greg Puciato himself:
"Ok so sitting backstage at Reggie's Rock Club in Chicago, about to eat some dinner, figured I'd check in with you guys. First off, thanks to everyone who has come out so far...to Long Island, to Philadelphia, to DC, to Raleigh, to Bonnaroo, to Pontiac. These shows have been amazing and very invigorating for us as a band. Every one of these shows has been shockingly high energy, and the vibe between us and you guys has never been higher. Last night alone, when within seconds the stage barricade was pushed over and eventually taken out, fuuuuuck. There are people coming who have seen us 50 times, 20 times, 7 times, and many people who are just seeing us for the first time. All coming separately, but all leaving as one big sweaty blob ready to tell posers everywhere to SUCK IT."
I was standing right behind that barricade when it got annihilated by the overpowering mob of fans. The security guard was trying the whole entire first song to pull the barricade out from under the crowd and finally had to call in reinforcements. Even then they couldn't get the bike racks out for at least one more song. After they freed the beast(crowd) everyone moved forward and people were instantly crushed into each other as dillinger rocked the fuck out of the 250 people crammed into the pike room.
Now I know this show sounds crazy but there is no way to fathom the insanity of being in this crowd unless you were next to me being crushed, tripped, and all together raped by my fellow dillinger enthusiasts. At one point I thought I was either going to puke, pass out or just plain die from heat exhaustion. Basically it was what felt like an eternity of ear shattering kick ass rock that I wanted to be over and go on forever simultaneously. It's been 24 hours and my ears are still ringing! I could go into more detail but you just had to be there. It was something I will never forget and I can't wait until I get to do it again.
I'll start this off with a quote from Mr. Greg Puciato himself:
"Ok so sitting backstage at Reggie's Rock Club in Chicago, about to eat some dinner, figured I'd check in with you guys. First off, thanks to everyone who has come out so far...to Long Island, to Philadelphia, to DC, to Raleigh, to Bonnaroo, to Pontiac. These shows have been amazing and very invigorating for us as a band. Every one of these shows has been shockingly high energy, and the vibe between us and you guys has never been higher. Last night alone, when within seconds the stage barricade was pushed over and eventually taken out, fuuuuuck. There are people coming who have seen us 50 times, 20 times, 7 times, and many people who are just seeing us for the first time. All coming separately, but all leaving as one big sweaty blob ready to tell posers everywhere to SUCK IT."
I was standing right behind that barricade when it got annihilated by the overpowering mob of fans. The security guard was trying the whole entire first song to pull the barricade out from under the crowd and finally had to call in reinforcements. Even then they couldn't get the bike racks out for at least one more song. After they freed the beast(crowd) everyone moved forward and people were instantly crushed into each other as dillinger rocked the fuck out of the 250 people crammed into the pike room.
Now I know this show sounds crazy but there is no way to fathom the insanity of being in this crowd unless you were next to me being crushed, tripped, and all together raped by my fellow dillinger enthusiasts. At one point I thought I was either going to puke, pass out or just plain die from heat exhaustion. Basically it was what felt like an eternity of ear shattering kick ass rock that I wanted to be over and go on forever simultaneously. It's been 24 hours and my ears are still ringing! I could go into more detail but you just had to be there. It was something I will never forget and I can't wait until I get to do it again.
Monday, June 1, 2009
life...finally
Yesterday was a good day for life. More like wild life i guess. I was sitting outside Chelsea's house with her family enjoying the warm sun and breeze when I got a call from my buddy Corey. He explained he needed my expert advice on how to get a squirrel out of your heater. Being the beast tamer I am I jumped at the opportunity to help.
Chels and I headed over to my mom's house to gather supplies for the task at hand. But before we made it home I spotted another creature begging to be captured. A cold blooded serpent was sticking it's head out onto the pavement halfway down my road contemplating crossing the road and I insisted Chelsea turn the car around so I could catch my first snake of the year.
I got out and soon realized this was no common Garter Snake. This was a Northern Water Snake! I hadn't seen one since a four foot beast slithered out from under a pile of trash at the end of my driveway seven or eight years ago. I quickly grabbed the creature by the tail and attempted to grab the head while it trashed and tried to escape all the while shitting all over the place (which is a defense mechanism snakes use to not be eaten). It sang it's teeth into me at least two times before I managed to subdue him/her.
Once I got back to my house with the beast I showed my brothers and proceeded to go straight into animal planet mode and started snapping pictures like I was one of those crazy A-holes who photograph ten foot cobras an what not. This is what I got:
So next it was off to Corey's house to solve the mystery of the hiddin Squirrel. I could bore you with the details of how we managed to finagle the little guy out but all I will say is that it involved a lot of bad planning and finally ended with Corey reaching his hand into the furnace and grabbing the thing. He was a lot cuter and less vicious than I imagined. He even let us pet him after a while! Here is the little Red Squirrel corey affectionately named Dale:
Chels and I headed over to my mom's house to gather supplies for the task at hand. But before we made it home I spotted another creature begging to be captured. A cold blooded serpent was sticking it's head out onto the pavement halfway down my road contemplating crossing the road and I insisted Chelsea turn the car around so I could catch my first snake of the year.
I got out and soon realized this was no common Garter Snake. This was a Northern Water Snake! I hadn't seen one since a four foot beast slithered out from under a pile of trash at the end of my driveway seven or eight years ago. I quickly grabbed the creature by the tail and attempted to grab the head while it trashed and tried to escape all the while shitting all over the place (which is a defense mechanism snakes use to not be eaten). It sang it's teeth into me at least two times before I managed to subdue him/her.
Once I got back to my house with the beast I showed my brothers and proceeded to go straight into animal planet mode and started snapping pictures like I was one of those crazy A-holes who photograph ten foot cobras an what not. This is what I got:
So next it was off to Corey's house to solve the mystery of the hiddin Squirrel. I could bore you with the details of how we managed to finagle the little guy out but all I will say is that it involved a lot of bad planning and finally ended with Corey reaching his hand into the furnace and grabbing the thing. He was a lot cuter and less vicious than I imagined. He even let us pet him after a while! Here is the little Red Squirrel corey affectionately named Dale:
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